{"id":13417,"date":"2013-03-30T00:01:58","date_gmt":"2013-03-30T07:01:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=13417"},"modified":"2013-03-30T00:01:58","modified_gmt":"2013-03-30T07:01:58","slug":"shopping-for-a-mother-of-the-groom-dress-is-that-me-in-the-mirror-or-somebodys-grandmother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/shopping-for-a-mother-of-the-groom-dress-is-that-me-in-the-mirror-or-somebodys-grandmother\/","title":{"rendered":"Shopping for a Mother-of-the-Groom Dress — Is That Me in the Mirror? Or Somebody\u2019s Grandmother?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"beige<\/a>
Dumpy:<\/strong> I’m smiling at the nice salesperson who took this picture — not because I like this fussy mother-of-the-bride\/groom gown at David’s Bridal Salon in Pinole, CA, where most of the zippers seemed to stick and a stubborn one required an emergency visit to the alterations department.\u00a0 BF Newhall photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall<\/em><\/p>\n

My son is getting married. I\u2019ll need a dress. A dress that makes me look terrific.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
Frumpy:<\/strong> Putting a cheerful face on it in the fitting room at Nordstrom. This ho-hum navy gown with lace bolero was $198. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I like pants. I wear them everywhere. Pull them on and go. But for this occasion I\u2019ll need a real dress. A gown. A bona fide, full-length, mother-of-the-groom gown, with lace, maybe. Or sequins. Or pearls. Or all of the above.<\/p>\n

Right now I own exactly two dresses. The black linen I bought for my mother\u2019s memorial service in 2011. And the cerise silk I bought for my in-laws\u2019 50th<\/sup> wedding anniversary back in 1983. It was a post-partum, nursing mom affair, so it still fits. Sort of.<\/p>\n

For a while, there was a third dress in my closet, a ruffly chiffon thing that I\u2019d bought for Peter\u2019s high school graduation. But that dress went the way of everything else in the closet that does not conceal wobbly upper arms.<\/p>\n

And so . . . it\u2019s time to add another dress to my repertoire, something elegant and pretty for Peter\u2019s wedding, coming up in May.<\/p>\n

I got started on the project several weeks ago. I put on my best bra and a pair of knee-high nylon stockings and headed off to downtown San Francisco,<\/p>\n

(I don’t own any full-fledged pantyhose. The last time I wore them \u2013 at my mother\u2019s memorial service \u2013 I learned the hard way that elastic doesn\u2019t last the 12 years between your son\u2019s high school graduation and your mother\u2019s funeral.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
Lumpy:<\/strong> I liked the pearls, but they only made certain matters worse. At Nordstrom, $228. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

(As I headed up the steps of the church to the service, the waistband on my aging pantyhose <\/strong>gave way and fell down around my knees. I made a quick trip to the ladies\u2019 room, threw the pantyhose in the trash, and presented myself bare legged at my mother\u2019s funeral<\/a>. That was it for me and pantyhose.)<\/p>\n

Since that first gown-shopping trip to downtown San Francisco, I\u2019ve visited several department stores \u2013 Macy\u2019s, Nordstrom, Bloomingdale\u2019s, Saks, Nieman Marcus. I’ve driven to the suburbs to check out the bridal salons. I\u2019ve shopped on-line.<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve tried on A-line dresses. Mermaid dresses. Beaded, ruched, pleated, embellished, crocheted and scalloped dresses. Dresses made of tulle, charmeuse, tafetta and jersey.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve struggled into and out of dozens of these confections. Hooks have caught on lace. Glitter has fallen to the floor. Zippers have jammed.<\/p>\n

What can I say? I looked dreadful in almost all them. Frumpy. Matronly. Old.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d known before I started out that my upper arms would be a challenge. I\u2019d have to cover them with sleeves. I also knew there would be some belly fat involved; Spanx might be called for.<\/p>\n

But standing in bra and panties in front of all those brightly lit, three-way department store mirrors, I couldn\u2019t help noticing that a couple other body parts had bit the dust since I last looked.<\/p>\n

\"Light<\/a>
Matronly:<\/strong> I tried to smile at the sight of myself in this ill-fitting confection with the belly button bling. At Nordstrom, $248. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

There was my upper back for one thing. Years and years at the steering wheel and keyboard had given me a writer\u2019s slump. (Rhymes with dowager\u2019s hump.)<\/p>\n

And what was once a pair of scrawny, size A breastlets that barely filled the padded bras I wore in high school was now, to put it kindly, a generous bustline.<\/p>\n

Upper arms, upper back, bust, tummy. I tried on dress after dress, hoping against hope to find one that met all my figure challenges without making me look like somebody\u2019s grandmother.<\/p>\n

Which I\u2019m not. Yet.<\/p>\n

Over the weeks, I paid for and took home a total of eight \u2013 count \u2019em eight \u2013 mother-of-the-groom dresses on the theory that they might look better in the soft light of my own bedroom mirror. They didn\u2019t. I took them back to the store.<\/p>\n

At $200 or so each, eight gowns make for a hefty paper trail on one\u2019s credit card.<\/p>\n

Was I overshopping?<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the bride\u2019s day, yes. All eyes will be on her, including my son\u2019s.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s also my day. This is my son and he\u2019s getting married<\/a>. I want him to be as proud of me as I am of him right now. I want a dress that wraps me and my magnanimous curves into one gorgeous package. I want to look smashing.<\/p>\n

Epilogue:<\/em><\/strong> One of the eight dresses turned out to be a keeper. It\u2019s purple and elegant and shapely and maybe even smashing, all without the help of Spanx. I look so good in it, in fact, that<\/p>\n

\"Purple<\/a>
The Winnah:<\/strong> Purple jersey gown by Lauren with rhinestone brooch, on sale for $161 at Bloomingdale’s. Size 8 petite. Thanks to\u00a0 vanity sizing<\/a> I’m still wearing the size I wore at age 25. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019m going to buy myself another dress one of these days. Something short to show off my legs, which if all those in-your-face fitting room mirrors are to be believed, still look terrific.<\/p>\n

All they\u2019ll need is a fresh pair of pantyhose.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this post you might like “Mad Men Meets the ’60s Girdle — But Will She Get It Off in Time?”<\/a> You can share it with friends by clicking on the Facebook, Twitter or email icon below.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read about the rest of my mother-of-the-groom outfit at “Mother of the Groom Diaries: Am I Too Old for Splashy Earrings?<\/a>” and\u00a0 “My Killer Shoes — Brought Down to Size by 41\/2-inch Heels.” <\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\"Ambitious,<\/a>
The ribs-to-knees mega Spanx<\/a> got left behind in the fitting room. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"a<\/a><\/p>\n

My son is getting married. I\u2019ll need a dress. A dress that makes me look terrific. It’s time to hit the department stores and bridal salons. Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13476,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[936,937,34,938,939,940,941,942,55,82,943,944,945],"class_list":["post-13417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-case-of-the-human-condition","tag-belly-fat","tag-davids-bridal-salon","tag-dont-miss","tag-dowagers-hump","tag-dresses-versus-pants","tag-figure-challenges","tag-flabby-upper-arms","tag-mother-of-the-groom-gown","tag-family-stories","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-pantyhose-falling-down","tag-wedding-shopping","tag-zippers-that-jamb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13417"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13417\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}