{"id":14422,"date":"2013-06-27T00:01:28","date_gmt":"2013-06-27T07:01:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=14422"},"modified":"2013-06-27T00:01:28","modified_gmt":"2013-06-27T07:01:28","slug":"an-episcopalian-says-kaddish-for-her-jewish-aunt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/an-episcopalian-says-kaddish-for-her-jewish-aunt\/","title":{"rendered":"An Episcopalian Says Kaddish for Her Jewish Aunt"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"A
The first lines of the Mourner’s Kaddish on a page from the Bleichrode prayer book published in Berlin, 1923. The prayer book was on my aunt’s bookshelf when she died. It fell to me, an Episcopalian, to say Kaddish for my Jewish aunt. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

My Aunt Grace, who died in January, was Jewish. Most everyone else in her family \u2013 what was left of her family, that is: she was 98 years old when she died \u2013 most everyone in her family had remained Christian or had moved on to atheism, secular humanism or studied indifference.<\/p>\n

\"portrait
My Aunt Grace ca. 1960. Ludington Studios photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We, the nieces and nephews of our childless aunt who planned to attend her interment earlier this month, were left with the question \u2013 how does a gathering of Christians and skeptics say a parting prayer for a Jew?<\/p>\n

As the religion writer in the family, it fell to me, an Episcopalian, to say Kaddish for my Jewish aunt.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d spent some time on the religion beat at a local newspaper, which meant, in the executor\u2019s eyes, that I knew a little something about Judaism. Episcopalian though I was it seemed my years as a religion writer qualified me to be the designated prayer at our Jewish aunt\u2019s gravesite.<\/p>\n

My aunt had seen to everything else. She was a businesswoman who took care of business. With characteristic thoroughness, she had planned her interment down to the last detail. Mortuaries were lined up in Arizona, where she lived, and in Michigan, where she was born and had chosen to be buried.<\/p>\n

She also had her casket all picked out. Like so much of the furniture she\u2019d collected over the years, it tended toward the elegant, white with gold trim.<\/p>\n

A svelte blue gown embroidered in gold was hanging in one of my aunt’s closets when she died. Pinned to the bodice was a handwritten note reminding her caregivers that this was to be her burial gown. The gown had long sleeves and a high neck, the better to cover the inevitable signs of aging, illness and death.<\/p>\n

A grave site in Michigan at the little cemetery along Highway 10 between Ludington and Scottville<\/p>\n

\"Brookside
Brookside Cemetery, Scottville, Michigan. My grandmother and grandfather’s graves are in the foreground to the left, my great-grandmother’s to the right. In the background, Highway 10 heading toward Lake Michigan. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

awaited her. She would be buried there between her sisters, Emma and Ruth, not far from the graves of her mother, father and grandmother.<\/p>\n

When we contacted the mortician in Scottville, he reminded us that it was still winter in Michigan. The ground was frozen. Our aunt couldn\u2019t be buried until May, April at the earliest, after the ground had thawed.<\/p>\n

Which gave me time to do some research. I knew that saying Kaddish was an important mourning ritual for Jews. You can say it for your mother or father, brother or sister, son or daughter, husband or wife.<\/p>\n

But who could say Kaddish for my aunt?<\/p>\n

Can an gentile say Kaddish? What if the minyan — the traditional gathering of at least ten Jewish men required to say Kaddish — is neither Jewish, nor 100 percent male?<\/p>\n

My aunt had neither sons nor daughters to say it for her. Her parents and many siblings had preceded her in death. She was no longer connected to a congregation. She had outlived the rabbi who had overseen her conversion \u2013 as well as the husband who had inspired it in the first place.<\/p>\n

An Episcopalian Says Kaddish for Her Jewish Aunt<\/strong><\/h5>\n

If someone was going to say Kaddish for my Aunt Grace, it would have to be me.<\/p>\n

\"A
The Scottville, Michigan, farmhouse where my father and my Aunt Grace were born. The building is more than 100 years old. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I got on my computer. I googled Kaddish. I discovered that the Mourner\u2019s Kaddish is not so much a prayer for the dead as a hymn in praise of God.<\/p>\n

Interesting, I thought. And fitting. A woman who\u2019d had a full 98 years on the planet had died. A hymn in praise <\/a>of the source of her life seemed about right.<\/p>\n

What didn\u2019t go down so well with me was the excruciatingly medieval language of the Kaddish. God as male. God as king. God in (uppercase) His celestial heights. God\u2019s great name. God\u2019s will. God glorified, exalted, extolled and honored.<\/p>\n

Not my kind of God. And not the kind of God that would open the skeptical hearts and minds of certain of the nieces and nephews who\u2019d be gathering around my aunt\u2019s gravesite.<\/p>\n

What to do?<\/p>\n

A little sleuthing and I learned that, sure enough, the prayer had its origins during a time of persecution after the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem. Small wonder that the rabbis who first prayed this prayer envisioned an almighty, ruler-of-the-universe God powerful enough to smite one\u2019s enemies.<\/p>\n

I emailed my Jewish friend Andrea for help. The next day, two translations of the Kaddish arrived in my in-box. One was a traditional, glorified-exalted-and-extolled translation. The other came from the Jewish Renewal movement.<\/p>\n

It was from the latter translation that with great trepidation \u2013 I wasn\u2019t a Jew, after all, let alone a rabbi \u2013 I composed a translation<\/a> (adaptation?) of the Kaddish.<\/p>\n

On May 27, a dozen or so nieces and nephews and a couple of long-lost cousins-once-removed gathered in the rain at the Scottville cemetery and said a few last words in memory of our aunt.<\/p>\n

In that company — a minyan maybe, maybe not — just before Aunt Grace\u2019s white and gold casket was lowered into the sandy soil of Mason county, Michigan, a few miles from the farmhouse where she\u2019d been born and a few miles from the Methodist church where she\u2019d been reared, I recited the Kaddish for my aunt.<\/p>\n

\n

Mourner’s Kaddish for Our Aunt Grace<\/strong><\/p>\n

Praise and thanks be to God throughout the world, which was created according to His intention.<\/p>\n

May God\u2019s light and love and justice be present in our lives, in the House of Israel, and in all of those who seek the truth. And let us say, Amen.<\/p>\n

We praise, we continue to praise. And yet what we praise is beyond the grasp of the words and symbols that beckon us toward it. We know God, and yet we do not know. But still we pray.<\/p>\n

We pray that God, who upholds the harmony of the cosmos, will create peace within us and between us, and within all who dwell on this earth. And let us say, Amen.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"A
My aunt’s freshly filled grave between the graves of her sisters. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\n

Mourner’s Kaddish\u00a0 from the Jewish Renewal Movement<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0May the great essence flower in our lives and expand throughout the world. May we learn to let it shine through so we can augment its glory.<\/p>\n

We praise, we continue to praise, and yet, whatever it is we praise, is quite beyond the grasp of all these words and symbols that point us toward it.\u00a0 We know, and yet we do not know.<\/p>\n

May the great peace pour forth from the heavens for us,for all Israel, for all who struggle toward truth. May that which makes harmony in the cosmos above, bring peace within us and between us, and to all who dwell on this earth, and let us say, Amen.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n

Mourner’s Kaddish, Traditional<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.<\/p>\n

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.<\/p>\n

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.<\/p>\n

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.<\/p>\n

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Read more about my Aunt Grace at “How to Be a Glamorous Gal at Age 98.”<\/a>\u00a0 If you’d like to read more about my Scottville family, check out\u00a0 “A Case of the Human Condition: Watching My Grown-Up Kids Disappear.”<\/a>\u00a0 For a story about my father, go to “How Much Life Is Enough?”<\/em><\/p>\n

For more accounts of My Rocky Spiritual Journey, click on those words in the header at the top of the page.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"Brookside<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My Aunt Grace, who died in January, was Jewish. Most everyone else in her family had remained Christian or had moved on to atheism, secularism or indifference. The question was, how does a bunch of Christians and agnostics say a parting prayer for a Jew? Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14434,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[1011,1012,1013,34,1014,1015,1016,1017,63,1018,1019,1020],"class_list":["post-14422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-rocky-spiritual-journey","tag-atheists","tag-bleichrode-prayer-book","tag-cemetery","tag-dont-miss","tag-episcopalian","tag-grace","tag-interfaith","tag-judaism","tag-prayer","tag-saying-kaddish","tag-scottville-mi","tag-secular-humanism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14422"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14422\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}