{"id":14836,"date":"2013-08-01T02:40:46","date_gmt":"2013-08-01T09:40:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=14836"},"modified":"2013-08-01T02:40:46","modified_gmt":"2013-08-01T09:40:46","slug":"can-christmas-be-christmas-without-the-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/can-christmas-be-christmas-without-the-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s August, But It’s Not Too Soon to Wonder — Can Christmas Be Christmas Without the Kids?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"a<\/a>
It’s 1600 miles as the crow flies from Peter’s airport to the Bay Area. And 400 miles by car from Los Angeles, which makes me wonder, can Christmas be Christmas without the kids? Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Christmas has gotten to be a scheduling nightmare. Peter lives in the Great Midwest. Christina lives in Southern California. Jon and I live in Northern California.<\/p>\n

That puts 400 miles between us and our daughter and 1600 miles between us and our son. Not exactly over the river and through the woods.<\/p>\n

And when I say my son lives in the Midwest and my daughter lives in SoCal, I mean it. They live there.<\/p>\n

Peter\u2019s got a job, a townhouse and a gym membership \u2013 in the Midwest. He\u2019s found a community basketball league to play in. He owns a car with four-wheel drive, the better to navigate the Minnesota winters. He has a brand-new wife and a passel of extremely nice, Midwestern-style in-laws.<\/p>\n

Christina<\/a>. Same thing. She\u2019s got her sights on a career in the entertainment industry. She has a gym membership, and some cool SoCal writer friends. By the end of this month, she\u2019ll be moving<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
Peter found a quiet moment <\/em>to wrap his gifts the last time he was home for Christmas. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

into a new apartment with a boyfriend she\u2019s crazy about, who happens to have an extended family that also goes on forever \u2013 in Southern California. That and a 7-year-old son he sees every other weekend.<\/p>\n

How in the world are we Newhalls supposed to do the holidays together anymore? When geography isn\u2019t getting in the way, labyrinthine family commitments are.<\/p>\n

And so, the other day, midsummer though it was, I decided to stake my claim to a little holiday time with my kids \u2013 preferably both of them. Joined maybe hopefully by both of their SOs with possibly a 7-year-old thrown in to make things really Christmassy.<\/p>\n

I sent out emails.<\/p>\n

No, Peter and Emily couldn\u2019t make it out west for Christmas, but, yes, they could be here for Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n

And, yes, Christina could also be here for the turkey. As for Christmas, we\u2019d have to figure that out later. \u201cBut I\u2019m not going to leave you and Dad alone for Christmas,\u201d Christina reassured me. \u201cDon\u2019t worry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alone for Christmas? Just the two of us?<\/p>\n

What would that be like?<\/p>\n

I thought about it. And the more I thought about it, the more OK it felt.<\/p>\n

Because maybe it\u2019s time to rethink Christmas.<\/p>\n

After all, how is Peter<\/a> to be in two places at once at Christmas \u2013 here and in the Midwest with his wife and her family?<\/p>\n

How is Christina<\/a> supposed to be here for Christmas and yet be in SoCal with the guy she loves on the little piece of Christmas \u2013 Christmas Eve this year \u2013 that is his allotted time with his son?<\/p>\n

When I poll my friends, family and the sweaty ladies in my Zumba class I find out that I\u2019m not the only one with far-flung grown-up kids who may or may not be home for Christmas. Or Passover. Or Eid. Or Diwali.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s the daughter who lives and works in Paris. The niece who\u2019s studying in Thailand. The son who\u2019s taken off for Columbia. The daughter who\u2019s decamped to Albania with her Albanian husband and their little kids. And the daughter who didn\u2019t stop at taking up residence in London, but went on to get a British passport.<\/p>\n

What are the chances of getting any of those children and grandchildren to come by for the roast Christmas goose?<\/p>\n

About the same as my grandmother\u2019s chances of getting my parents to make the 240-mile, seven-hour drive on icy two lane country roads from Detroit to Scottville, Michigan, back in 1952.<\/p>\n

Maybe the salient question isn\u2019t, can Christmas be Christmas without the kids?<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s, can a family be a family without Christmas?<\/p>\n

I think it can.<\/p>\n

As long as we manage a few days together at Disneyland from time to time. Or a week or so on a beach somewhere. Or a family trip to Yosemite. Or a Thanksgiving dinner at our house once in a while, with all the trimmings.<\/p>\n

More family stories at “I’m the Mother of the Groom — Now What?”<\/a>\u00a0 and\u00a0 “A Mom, a Dad and an 8-Year-Old With a Bashed Lip.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\"a<\/a>
A Christmas when there were only four of us with schedules and commitments to work around. Photo by BF Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"a<\/a><\/p>\n

Christmas has gotten to be a scheduling nightmare. Peter lives in Minnesota. Christina lives in Southern California. Jon and I live in Northern California. That puts 400 miles between us and our daughter and 2,000 miles between us and our son. Not exactly over the river and through the woods. Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14845,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[146,35,34,245,780,54,1042,1043,55,82,56,268],"class_list":["post-14836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-changing-family","tag-christina","tag-christmas","tag-dont-miss","tag-empty-nesters","tag-extended-family","tag-grown-up-kids","tag-in-laws","tag-mother-in-law-diaries","tag-family-stories","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-peter","tag-the-second-half-of-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14836"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14836\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}