{"id":17596,"date":"2014-04-10T00:01:16","date_gmt":"2014-04-10T07:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=17596"},"modified":"2014-04-10T00:01:16","modified_gmt":"2014-04-10T07:01:16","slug":"the-weekend-i-talked-and-the-kids-listened","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/the-weekend-i-talked-and-the-kids-listened\/","title":{"rendered":"The Weekend I Talked — And the Kids Listened"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"The<\/a>
The kids listened when we said we liked this traditional neighborhood with lots of charm.\u00a0<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall<\/em><\/p>\n

You know your kids have turned into grown-ups when they listen to your advice. I don\u2019t mean take<\/em> your advice. I mean listen \u2013 gently and kindly \u2013 as you talk away about how you did things when you were their age. Or how you did things last week. Or how they might want to do things next week.<\/p>\n

They listen as if you \u2013 if not your lovely, brilliant ideas \u2013 truly mattered.<\/p>\n

To the best of my knowledge, the last time I took my parents\u2019 advice was decades ago. I was an undergraduate at the University of Michigan intent on doing something important and challenging with my life \u2013 write poetry, go to law school, join the foreign service, get recruited by the CIA maybe.<\/p>\n

But my father had something way less ambitious in mind for me. Taking his cue from the generations of schoolteaching women all over his family tree, he insisted that I earn a teaching certificate. I obliged. I took the courses, did some substitute teaching, then went off to New York to become a writer.<\/p>\n

\"Midcentury<\/a>
We also said we liked this mid-century traditional house in the suburbs. And the kids listened.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

After college, I pretty much stopped taking \u2013 or even listening to \u2013 my parents\u2019 advice. If I had been a little more grown up, less contentious, and less opinionated, I might have listened, at least, and smiled fondly as they talked. That would have cost me nothing.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>
A gloriously spacious master suite a floor removed from the children’s bedrooms.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Somehow, my own children turned out differently. They manage to have a huge compassion for their dear mother and her what might be deeply antiquated ideas. They dote on her \u2013 and their dad, too, for that matter.<\/p>\n

Christina cheerfully accepts \u2013 and quietly takes back to the store \u2013 the red shirts (\u201cWith your dark hair, you\u2019d look smashing in red, Christina\u201d) I send her for Christmas. Also the glittery blouse. (\u201cNice, but too dressy, Mom. I don\u2019t go to cocktail parties.\u201d) But, I\u2019m happy to report, she keeps the sexy, drapey top that covered most, but not all, of her upper torso. (\u201cTim liked that one. I\u2019m keeping it.\u201d)<\/p>\n

The Kids Listened<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Christina\u2019s pretty good at compassionate, daughterly listening. But Peter and his wife achieved some kind of listening skills acme two weeks ago when they consented to let Jon and me accompany them on three days of house-hunting in a big Midwestern city, where (sigh, it\u2019s so, so far from the San Francisco Bay Area) they are closing in on buying a house.<\/p>\n

I did my best. I used my I statements. I buttoned my lip whenever the phrase \u201cyou should\u201d popped to mind.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
This kitchen is small. Could a counter fit under the bay window?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Carefully, I said things like, \u201cHmm. I smelled mold in the kitchen. Did you?\u201d<\/p>\n

And, \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure I saw a no-parking sign in front of the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

At a house with a glorious master bedroom suite in the attic and two kids bedrooms way downstairs, I volunteered, \u201cPersonally, I liked having all three bedrooms on the same floor when the kids were little. Peter slept right down the hall, and I could hear him if he climbed out of his crib \u2013 or came home really, really late after a night of clubbing.\u201d<\/p>\n

As we drove through the neighborhood Peter and Emily especially liked with its graceful old pre-war, squeaky-floored, radiator-heated Tudors and colonials, I snapped pictures and exclaimed, \u201cHow beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>
The living room of a pre-war (and the war would be World War II) house in the city. Photos by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Later, driving through the mid-century traditional neighborhood that they were not so keen on, I took my photos and murmured, \u201cNice. Practical.\u201d<\/p>\n

I talked a lot. Because, as always, I had a lot on my mind.<\/p>\n

What did Peter and my new daughter-in-law have to say in response to my three days of opinionating?<\/p>\n

I have nothing to report. All they did was smile.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this story, you might like “How to Grandmother When the Kids Live 2500 Miles Away.”<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0Preparing to renovate? Check out “Getting a New Kitchen? Here Are the Five Things I Like Best About Mine.”<\/a>\u00a0 More about Christina at “When a Grown Daughter Doesn’t Call — Or, How to Overmother a Twenty-Something.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

You know your kids have turned into grown-ups when they listen to your advice. I don\u2019t mean take your advice. I mean listen \u2013 gently and kindly \u2013 as you talk away . . . Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":17608,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[146,34,988,1188,1189,445,55,1034,82,56,1055],"class_list":["post-17596","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-changing-family","tag-christina","tag-dont-miss","tag-emily","tag-house","tag-househunting","tag-minnesota","tag-family-stories","tag-my-grown-up-kids","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-peter","tag-shopper-barb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17596"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17596\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}