{"id":26624,"date":"2017-04-20T00:01:45","date_gmt":"2017-04-20T07:01:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=26624"},"modified":"2017-04-20T00:01:45","modified_gmt":"2017-04-20T07:01:45","slug":"daughters-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/daughters-wedding\/","title":{"rendered":"Six Ways to Look Dreadful at Your Daughter’s Wedding — A Mother-of-the-Bride Moment"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"A<\/a>
The\u00a0mother of the bride\u00a0faces up to some of the figure flaws she’ll be taking to her daughter’s wedding — wobbly neck and\u00a0arms, descending bustline. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall<\/em><\/p>\n

They used to be known as figure flaws. I’m sure there’s a brand-new, trendy euphemism for them — “body features” maybe. I’m thinking of \u00a0those wayward\u00a0physical\u00a0parts that\u00a0you mostly forget about when you’re not in a department store fitting room, just you, that three-way mirror and\u00a0those\u00a0unforgiving florescent lights.<\/p>\n

My daughter’s wedding is coming up in May, and I’ve got my share of body features that I’d\u00a0rather not take to the party.<\/p>\n

Yeah. I know. It’s her day, not mine. But when the\u00a0guests are done looking at the bride, they might well turn their attention\u00a0to<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
Belly fat! Wrong dress? Or a job for a good, old-fashioned<\/a> girdle? Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

that short, chubby lady standing next to her. Her mom. Me. The one with the flabby arms, runaway belly fat, pathetic dowager’s hump, wiggly turkey gobbler neck, droopy\u00a0boobs, and sun spots\u00a0on her face, hands and\u00a0what passes for a decolletage.<\/p>\n

That’s\u00a0six, count ’em six, ways to look dreadful on my\u00a0daughter’s wedding day.<\/p>\n

Coming soon — a mini collection of\u00a0mother-of-the-bride dresses that I’m hoping will conceal, hide, cover up, squeeze into submission (show off?) those uncooperative body parts.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, more fashion at “For China’s Young Fashionistas, the Cultural Revolution Is So Over.”<\/a> And another mother-of-the-bride story at “No to Bride Barbie. Yes to a Real-Life Wedding.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\"Figure<\/a>
Ah, the wretched dowager’s hump. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

The\u00a0mother of the bride faces up to the figure flaws she’ll be taking to her daughter’s wedding: wobbly neck, flabby arms, descending bustline . . . and more. Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":26772,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,30],"tags":[1886,146,34,566,1887,758,1234,55,82,1632],"class_list":["post-26624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-case-of-the-human-condition","category-my-changing-family","tag-barbara","tag-christina","tag-dont-miss","tag-fashion","tag-figure-flaws","tag-fitness","tag-health","tag-family-stories","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-weddings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26624"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26624\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}