{"id":32184,"date":"2020-10-14T00:01:02","date_gmt":"2020-10-14T07:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=32184"},"modified":"2020-10-14T00:01:02","modified_gmt":"2020-10-14T07:01:02","slug":"unmarried-and-pregnant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/unmarried-and-pregnant\/","title":{"rendered":"Unmarried and (Probably) Pregnant in Mid-Century America"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"unmarried-and-pregnant?<\/a>
Unmarried. Pregnant? Barbara Newhall photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never told anyone this story. Not then, in the late 1960s. Not now in this, our open-minded 21st century.<\/p>\n

I was too ashamed back in the \u201960s. I was in my mid-twenties. I was single and living alone in New York City. And I was too ashamed to tell anyone that my period was late, weeks and weeks late.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t tell my doctor. I didn\u2019t tell my boss at the magazine where I worked. I didn\u2019t tell my best friend. I didn\u2019t tell my boyfriend \u2013 he had moved to another city and was out of the picture. And I certainly didn\u2019t tell my mother.<\/p>\n

And, I haven\u2019t told this story to anyone in the life I\u2019m living today, a half century later later. I haven’t told my husband. I haven’t told my children. And I still haven’t told my best friend.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a sad little story, and I was alone in it.<\/p>\n

My period was late. It had been weeks since my last one, and I was making frequent trips to the ladies room across the hall from my wood-paneled office in mid-town Manhattan.<\/p>\n

I was an assistant editor on a women’s magazine with a readership of millions. I had work to do. But I was making several trips a day to the ladies room across the hall to lift the skirt of my A-line dress, pull down my pantyhose and inspect my underwear for a sign that my worries were over, that I was not pregnant after all.<\/p>\n

Too Ashamed to Find Out<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Was I pregnant? I was too ashamed to find out for sure.<\/p>\n

Things were different back then. A pregnancy test required a visit to the doctor\u2019s office and days or weeks of anguished waiting for the test results to come back.<\/p>\n

I did not want to make that trip to the doctor. What if the test came back positive? My doctor would find out that I was pregnant, and he would think less of me. He would send me to an obstetrician, who also would look down on me as a loose and foolish girl \u2013 unmarried and pregnant — and expect me to carry the pregnancy to term.<\/p>\n

Where, then, to go for help? I could not tell my boss that I was pregnant — though as I look back now, I think she might have been much more sympathetic than I imagined at the time.<\/p>\n

I’d Lose My Job<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Either way, I was sure the magazine I worked for would not let me come to work unmarried and pregnant. They would fire me or find a way to ease me out of the company.<\/p>\n

And, if they did let me go, I saw no legal recourse. Was there even a lawyer out there who would take such a case? Did I have a case? It didn\u2019t matter. I would have been too ashamed to assert it.<\/p>\n

No, the way things worked back in those pre-Roe v. Wade days was — you did not put your employer on the spot. You gave notice and you left the premises. Fast. No explanation.<\/p>\n

\"unmarried-and-pregnant?<\/a>
You gave your notice and left the premises. Barbara Newhall photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Pregnant and single, I would have to leave New York City as well as my job. I\u2019d go to a faraway state, where no one knew me. Check myself into one of those homes for pregnant women<\/a> where they keep your story a secret and put your baby up for adoption.<\/p>\n

Under this arrangement you were disappeared for the duration of the pregnancy. Friends, coworkers, family — nobody knew where you went or why. You might make up a story, something about visiting a sick aunt in Texas, maybe.<\/p>\n

An Long, Unexplained Absence<\/strong><\/h5>\n

But how to explain a months-long absence to my good friend Trudy? To my parents? My brothers?<\/p>\n

How to explain the six-month lapse in my work history in a future job interview?<\/p>\n

I had a plum job as a junior editor at a respected national magazine. I was off to a solid writing career. How to explain to future employers why I\u2019d left my job so abruptly and without explanation?<\/p>\n

As for having the baby and keeping it, that was out of the question. Providing for oneself and one\u2019s child is tough enough for single mothers today. It would have been close to impossible for me in 1968.<\/p>\n

A Single Mom in the Sixties?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

What would be my prospects as an unmarried woman with a baby? I wouldn’t be welcome in the New York magazine world, I was sure of that.<\/p>\n

I had earned a secondary teaching certificate in college back in Michigan, but what high school anywhere in the country would hire a woman with a child born out of wedlock?<\/p>\n

Tied to a baby, I\u2019d live on the edge of poverty, and I\u2019d be scorned. I’d be shunned by friends, colleagues, employers \u2013 and maybe even my family. And so would my baby.<\/p>\n

For me, an abortion was the only option.<\/p>\n

But abortion was illegal in 1960s America. The Supreme Court\u2019s Roe v. Wade decision was still five years in the future.<\/p>\n

My doctor could not legally give me an abortion. Nor could he provide me with the name of someone who would do it illegally. If he did, he could lose his medical license and possibly face criminal charges.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to put my doctor on the spot by even asking him to help me get an abortion.<\/p>\n

Unmarried and Pregnant<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Such was my fearful, acquiescent, female mentality in the late 1960s. Roe v. Wade and fifty years of legal abortion in the United States were still in the future and, for me, so was the women\u2019s movement.<\/p>\n

Unmarried and pregnant, I needed an abortion and I was all alone. How to get one? The boyfriend was out of the picture. And even if he weren\u2019t, I didn\u2019t think he would know how to find me a safe, backstreet abortion.<\/p>\n

I did have some acquaintances I thought might have that kind of sub rosa connection. I didn\u2019t know them well, but they were my only hope.<\/p>\n

Paralyzed, I did nothing.<\/p>\n

Finally, on a ski weekend up in Vermont, my period arrived suddenly, painfully and bloodily.<\/p>\n

I was not pregnant.<\/p>\n

Or, more likely, I was not pregnant anymore<\/em>.<\/p>\n

A Miscarriage?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Looking back now, I suspect that I had a miscarriage, so common in the early months of pregnancy. But at the time, up at that ski lodge, I opted for denial.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhew. My period was really late,” I told myself. “These strange symptoms I\u2019m having? Probably just the flu.\u201d<\/p>\n

Back in my apartment in New York, I did not call my doctor to check things out. Did I need medical attention? Was the miscarriage complete? Did I need a D&C? Was my future fertility at risk?<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know, and I didn\u2019t want to find out. I didn\u2019t want to talk about this with anyone, not even my doctor.<\/p>\n

Unmarried and pregnant. It was my secret then. And it’s been my secret until now.<\/p>\n

Why reveal it now? Because it is history. And because history has a way of repeating itself if you don\u2019t watch out.<\/p>\n

If you think this story might be helpful to someone, I hope you will share it with them.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thoughts o<\/em>n a person who has made all the difference for women in the U.S. at “RBG — Glorious, Notorious and Old.”<\/a>\u00a0 And here’s how things turned out for me — “Lucky Me. I Married Jon Newhall.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\"unmarried-and-pregnant?<\/a>
A junior editor with a career and a future. Barbara Newhall photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"unmarried-and-pregnant?<\/a><\/p>\n

Unmarried and pregnant in the 1960s — I was too ashamed to tell anyone then. But I’m telling the story now. Here’s why.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":32191,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[601,2373,34,2363,2109,2374,2365,2375,2376],"class_list":["post-32184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-case-of-the-human-condition","tag-abortion","tag-amy-coney-barrett","tag-dont-miss","tag-rbg","tag-roe-v-wade","tag-single-mothers","tag-supreme-court","tag-unmarried-and-pregnant","tag-womens-rights"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32184"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32184\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}