{"id":33601,"date":"2021-05-22T00:01:03","date_gmt":"2021-05-22T07:01:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=33601"},"modified":"2021-05-22T00:01:03","modified_gmt":"2021-05-22T07:01:03","slug":"when-someone-dies-send-flowers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/when-someone-dies-send-flowers\/","title":{"rendered":"When Someone Dies, Send Flowers"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"when-someone-dies-send-flowers\"<\/a>
I went to my local florist to buy flower food for my bouquets. The proprietor<\/a> gave me this free advice instead: put a teaspoon of sugar in the water. Photos by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Send Flowers?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

How often have you seen these words at the end of an obituary? “In lieu of flowers, the family suggests making a donation to your favorite charity.”<\/p>\n

It’s become conventional wisdom: instead of flowers, send the money off to a worthy cause — the meditation center, the opera, the pit bull rescue shelter — where it will be put to good and lasting use.<\/p>\n

Where it can accomplish something.<\/p>\n

Why Burden the Family?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

That’s been my thinking these many years. When someone dies, I think, why send flowers? Why burden the family with the watering and tending of yet another bouquet of flowers?<\/p>\n

And — flowers don’t last. They die. Who needs that?<\/p>\n

\"sunflower-condolence<\/a>
My friend Jean sent sunflowers to cheer me.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

That’s what I used to think before Jon died and I became the recipient of bouquet after bouquet of flowers — roses, tulips, chrysanthemums, lilies. And lots of that unpronounceable intrepid,\u00a0alstroemeria.<\/p>\n

Forget In Lieu Of<\/em><\/h5>\n

But now I’m a fan. Forget in lieu of<\/em>. I want the flowers.<\/p>\n

Flowers are beautiful, yes. And that’s reason enough to send flowers to that brand new widow or that bereft son or daughter. Beauty is a good thing.<\/p>\n

But the really great thing about flowers, I’ve learned in recent months, is they need tending<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"ranunculus-condolences<\/a>
A faraway niece sent ranunculus mixed with something green and mysterious.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Fresh water. Regular clipping. A more suitable vase, maybe. And where to put them? By the fireplace? On the bathroom sink?<\/p>\n

Blindsided by Loss<\/strong><\/h5>\n

In other words, flowers give you something to do when you have been blindsided by loss. They give you something to think about. Something, anything, but that merciless, undoable thing that has befallen your dear one.<\/p>\n

Your dear one doesn’t need you to wash and sort their socks any more. Or read the latest draft of their novel.<\/p>\n

But your flowers need you. They need tending.<\/p>\n

They aren’t people. But they are alive and present.<\/p>\n

For now.<\/p>\n

More thoughts on flowers at “Flowers Bursting From the Dirt. How Do They Do It?”<\/a>\u00a0 And, “Look What Happened in My Garden When I Wasn’t Looking.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\"tulips-condolences<\/a><\/p>\n

Tulips!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"tulips-condolences<\/a><\/p>\n

My husband is dead. Forget “in lieu of.” I want the flowers.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":33622,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,14],"tags":[103,187,34,403,191,2467,29,2419],"class_list":["post-33601","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-rocky-spiritual-journey","category-widowed","tag-aging","tag-death","tag-dont-miss","tag-flowers","tag-grief","tag-in-lieu-of-flowers","tag-jon","tag-widowed"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33601","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33601"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33601\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33601"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33601"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33601"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}