{"id":35210,"date":"2022-02-26T00:01:38","date_gmt":"2022-02-26T08:01:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=35210"},"modified":"2026-06-06T09:51:46","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T09:51:46","slug":"widowed-its-been-a-year-and-hes-still-gone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/widowed-its-been-a-year-and-hes-still-gone\/","title":{"rendered":"Widowed: It’s Been a Year and He’s Still Gone"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"widowed<\/a>
Remembering Jon with a basket of his signature vegetables — artichokes, asparagus and avocados. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It’s been a full year since Jon died and left me widowed. It’s been a year — and he’s still gone.<\/p>\n

All these months later, I keep thinking he’ll come back. Any minute he’ll show up, flushed and sweaty from the recumbent bike in the guest room, ready for a shower. Or in the kitchen at 6 p.m., ready to start dinner.<\/p>\n

Where Is He?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Where is Jon?\u00a0He’s not here and I don’t know why. Did I do something wrong?<\/p>\n

Did I hog the flat-screen TV? The morning paper? Did I not love him enough?<\/p>\n

Was I too critical of him? If he washed his face with a guest towel, I’d chastise him. Is that where I went wrong?<\/p>\n

Or was it the cat? I’m allergic to cats, but Jon was in thrall to the next-door cat. If she meowed at our front door, he’d let her into the house, carry her up to his office, and close the door.<\/p>\n

If I spotted that closed door, I knew right away what Jon was up to.\u00a0 I’d open the door with a huff, give my husband a piece of my mind, and put the cat outdoors.<\/p>\n

\"widowed<\/a>
The next-door cat during a visit to our deck. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jon loved cats — and certain vegetables. During the worst of the pandemic we agreed to get our groceries delivered. But Jon could not resist the call of the supermarket vegetable bins.<\/p>\n

If I was running low on non-fat milk, that was pretense enough for Jon to make an illicit trip to the store. He’d return, sheepish, with a carton of milk for me, and for himself, his signature vegetables — artichokes, asparagus and an almost-ripe avocado.<\/p>\n

What to Leave on His Grave?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Jon was put off by flowers arranged in bouquets. I don’t know why. I never asked why. That’s a secret he took to his grave, and I wish he hadn’t. Knowing why he felt that way about cut flowers would tell me something about him.<\/p>\n

Whatever his reasons, I wanted to respect Jon’s feelings about flowers as I got ready to visit to his grave last Saturday. What could I leave with him? Something that showed Jon that I loved him — that I knew<\/em> him.<\/p>\n

Why not vegetables? That was it. Vegetables.\u00a0I’d take vegetables to Jon’s grave — his beloved artichokes, asparagus and avocados.<\/p>\n

And so, last Saturday on the first anniversary of Jon’s death, our daughter Christina and I made the trek across the Bay to Colma to leave a basket of vegetables on Jon’s grave.<\/p>\n

Jon was good at laughing. I’m pretty sure he got the joke.<\/p>\n

And I’m pretty sure he knew I loved him.<\/p>\n

Need a change of pace — some levity? Go to, “When Your Six-Year-Old Wants to Talk Money.”<\/a>\u00a0 Or try, “Why Can’t a Dad Be More Like a Mom? Do We Really Want Them to Be?”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"widowed<\/a><\/p>\n

Yes, I am widowed — it’s been a year and he’s still gone. But I keep thinking he’ll be back any minute.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":49354,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,14],"tags":[2571,1425,2480,34,2572,191,2074],"class_list":["post-35210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-rocky-spiritual-journey","category-widowed","tag-artichokes","tag-cemeteries","tag-cypress-lawn","tag-dont-miss","tag-graves","tag-grief","tag-jon-newhall"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35210","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35210"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35210\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":49355,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35210\/revisions\/49355"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49354"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}