{"id":37867,"date":"2023-02-25T00:08:56","date_gmt":"2023-02-25T08:08:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=37867"},"modified":"2026-06-06T06:08:41","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T06:08:41","slug":"widowed-two-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/widowed-two-years\/","title":{"rendered":"I’ve Been Widowed Two Years. Now What?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"widowed<\/a>
We took Jon’s favorite vegetables to put on his grave as we did last year. But now that I’ve been widowed two years, it occurred to me to take flowers for the rest of the family this year. Photos by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I’ve been widowed two years. What now? What’s next? Anything?<\/p>\n

My future feels as blank as it did on the first anniversary of Jon’s death, as inscrutable as in the days and weeks that came after that phone call from the hospital. I can’t visualize a future for myself.<\/p>\n

I can see the present. It’s got a big empty spot where Jon is supposed to be. But otherwise it’s filled with stuff. Real things. Palpable, graspable things.<\/p>\n

I’ve got books to finish writing, for one thing. And there are household projects to tend to: An upstairs bathroom where the shower stopped working two months ago. Carpeting in the den still stained from the pre-pandemic house remodel.<\/p>\n

I have things and projects — but I also have people: A knitting group I joined, not for the knitting (me? knit?), but for the chatter. A weekend retreat with women from my church. Neighbors and friends who have tucked me into their friendship circles. And, of course, my son and daughter and their families.<\/p>\n

So — there’s a lot of stuff in my present. But none of it holds clues to my future — or whether I’ll be happy in my future.<\/p>\n

\"widowed<\/a>
We took vegetables — asparagus, avocado, artichoke — to Jon’s grave on February 19, the second anniversary of his death.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
Widowed Two Years\u00a0<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Last weekend, daughter Christina and I made the journey across the Bay to the cemetery at Cypress Lawn<\/a> in Colma, where Jon is buried with his sister, his parents and his Newhall ancestors going all the way back to his great-great-grandparents.<\/p>\n

Christina and I did what we did last year; we brought Jon’s favorite vegetables — asparagus, avocado, artichoke — to put on his grave. That’s all we can do for Jon. We can’t touch him or look him in the eye. We can only leave something for him on the spot where he now is, and very much isn’t.<\/p>\n

Vegetables for Jon, Camellias for Everyone Else<\/strong><\/h5>\n

This year, in addition to vegetables for Jon, we took camellias from our front yard for the rest of the family.<\/p>\n

I consider that progress. Apparently, two years in, I now have the emotional wherewithal to remember the other people who are buried here: The niece who died at age 51. The great-grandmother who died at age 22 giving birth to Jon’s grandfather. The 12-year-old sister who was killed by a runaway truck in 1955.<\/p>\n

We spent an hour or so wandering about the cemetery, placing flowers and reading mossy tombstones. When it was time to go, I stopped to say good-bye to Jon.<\/p>\n

Conversing With the Dead?<\/h5>\n

Unlike many widows I know, I find it impossible to have conversations<\/a> with my dead husband. But on this, the second anniversary of his death, I decided to give it a try.<\/p>\n

“I miss you, Jon,” I said to the slab of granite that marks his grave. “Help me figure out how to be happy.”<\/p>\n

No answer.<\/p>\n

I’m not surprised. That kind of question always made Jon uneasy. He’d find a way to dodge it.<\/p>\n

He hasn’t changed a bit.<\/p>\n

\"Penny-Newhall-grave-stone\"<\/a>
Jon’s sister Penny was 12 when she died. Her gravestone is right next to Jon’s.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Yes, I’m still working on my books. Here’s a story from my writing room: “Obama, the Rhetorician in the White House. Or, How I Learned to Love the Passive Voice.”<\/a>\u00a0 Here’s one about Jon being Jon: “A Dad, a Mom and an 8-year-old With a Bashed Lip.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"widowed<\/a><\/p>\n

I’ve been widowed two years. What’s next? Anything? My future feels as blank and inscrutable as it did those first months after Jon’s death.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":49098,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-widowed"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37867","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37867"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37867\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":49101,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37867\/revisions\/49101"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49098"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37867"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37867"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37867"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}