{"id":38412,"date":"2023-05-06T00:01:27","date_gmt":"2023-05-06T07:01:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=38412"},"modified":"2026-06-06T05:44:29","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T05:44:29","slug":"the-meaning-of-life-its-on-my-to-do-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/the-meaning-of-life-its-on-my-to-do-list\/","title":{"rendered":"Widowed: The Meaning of Life? It’s on My To-Do List"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"The<\/a>
The meaning of life? It’s on my to-do list. So is obliterating the Himalayan blackberry vines invading my front yard. Photos by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When I wake up in the morning these days, I poke around in my psyche for something worth getting out of bed for.<\/p>\n

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, the zip went out of my life when my husband died two years ago, so lately I’ve had to come up with my own zip.<\/p>\n

In the morning, as I slide back into consciousness, I find myself in a bed whose only inhabitant is me, and once again I have to come up with a reason to make my next moves — open eyes, put feet on the floor.<\/p>\n

If I am to go to the trouble to get out of bed, I’ll I need something to look forward to today, some small thing, or big thing, to put some meaning into my life.<\/p>\n

So, I poke around in my psyche. And there it is, right where I left it. My to-do list.<\/p>\n

You’d think that at the life phase I’m in now, with husbands and cousins and friends dying all around me, or getting ready to, that I’d be in a more existential state of mind. You’d think that, by now, I’d have hit upon something deep, something transcendent, to give my life meaning.<\/p>\n

I’d be meditating my way to enlightenment, maybe. Or, working on my karma. Or, giving up something for Lent — my bedtime bowl of granola? — in hopes of a mystical encounter with Jesus.<\/p>\n

If transcendence is setting my sights too high, then a more down-to-earth undertaking could be in order. A cause, perhaps, a horizon-expanding project — AIDS patients in<\/a> Uganda. Earthquake victims in Turkey. The future of democracy in America.<\/p>\n

But no, at the moment it is not lofty thoughts or expansive projects that get me out of bed in the morning.<\/p>\n

It’s my to-do list.<\/p>\n

My to-do list is where it’s happening. The meaning of life? It’s my to-do list.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>
A mini crossword puzzle — a shot of dopamine with every word.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My to-do list is a lot like those super simple crossword puzzle that appear daily in a newspaper that lands on my driveway each morning. With each correct word I find, I get a dose of endorphins lobbed into my bloodstream. Same thing when I tick an item off my to-do list. A cheap thril.<\/p>\n

On a good day, just looking at my to-do list gives me a kick.<\/p>\n