{"id":39297,"date":"2023-08-05T00:01:04","date_gmt":"2023-08-05T07:01:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=39297"},"modified":"2026-06-06T05:06:40","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T05:06:40","slug":"i-said-hello-to-my-deceased-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/i-said-hello-to-my-deceased-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"I Said Hello to My Deceased Husband — Finally"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"I<\/a>
I pass this framed photo each morning on the way to my writing room. The other day, I paused in front of it and I said hello to my deceased husband. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

On my way through the den to my writing room the other day, I passed a photo of my husband.\u00a0I said hello.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t much, just a nod and a brief, “Hi, Jon.”<\/p>\n

I said hello to my deceased husband for the first time since he died more than two years ago. And I did it without collapsing into tears.<\/p>\n

Widows Who Talk to Their Husbands<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Most of the widows I know talk to their husbands. They chat with them, they ask their advice, they fill them in on the day’s events. They keep their photos handy. They keep their husbands handy.<\/p>\n

Somehow these women are able to feel the full force their husband’s presence without falling apart.<\/p>\n

Not me. When a photo of Jon pops into view unannounced, I turn my face away — especially if it is a fresh image, one I haven’t seen in a while, a photo that evokes the full reality of Jon.<\/p>\n

A Deceased Husband Lying in Wait in the Family Photos<\/strong><\/h5>\n

My big project in recent months has been getting the family photos scanned. Twenty-two years worth of photos — birthday cakes, prom dresses, Christmas trees, toddlers and teens. Sorting through the photos has been a lot of work and a fun experience — until the moment when a long-forgotten photo of Jon surfaces. And there he is again. Jon being Jon. Jon looking like Jon. Jon back in his body.<\/p>\n

The sight of him is unbearable. I collapse into tears.<\/p>\n

Other widows tell me they find comfort in feeling the nearness of their husbands.<\/p>\n

Not me. These intimations of Jon serve only to remind me that Jon is very much not<\/em> there. The agony of that horrible phone call on February 19, 2021, replays.<\/p>\n

Jon Waving Me Off to Work<\/strong><\/h5>\n

But on this particular day, I found myself enjoying a moment with Jon as I breezed past him on the way to work. We had reenacted this scene thousands of times during our marriage: me on my way to work, Jon waving me off. Or, Jon on his way to work, me waving him off.<\/p>\n

And so, I had to wonder whether I have moved on to a new kind of grief. One in which I can, at last, exchange pleasantries with my deceased husband without breaking into tears. One in which Jon is still Jon, my pal and my dearest person. Not there, but there.<\/p>\n

More about life <\/em>with Jon at “A Dad, a Mom and an Eight-Year-Old With a Bashed Lip.”<\/a>\u00a0 Also, “The Summer Solstice, Arriving Right Now in a Sky Near You.”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"I<\/a><\/p>\n

I said hello to my deceased husband’s photo the other day — and for once I did not collapse into tears at the sight of his face.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":48935,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[2755,34,191,29,2419,492,2756],"class_list":["post-39297","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-widowed","tag-deceased-husband","tag-dont-miss","tag-grief","tag-jon","tag-widowed","tag-working-mom","tag-working-wife"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39297","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39297"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39297\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48936,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39297\/revisions\/48936"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/48935"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}