{"id":41397,"date":"2024-05-18T00:01:14","date_gmt":"2024-05-18T07:01:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=41397"},"modified":"2026-06-05T12:00:17","modified_gmt":"2026-06-05T12:00:17","slug":"kids-who-cheat-and-those-who-dont","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/kids-who-cheat-and-those-who-dont\/","title":{"rendered":"Kids Who Cheat. And Those Who Don’t"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"kids<\/a>
Kids who cheat and those who don’t. Peter Newhall didn’t cheat, it turned out. Photo by Barbara Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Note to Readers:<\/strong> As you read this I am on a homemade writing retreat. If all goes well — if the roof doesn’t spring a leak, if the deer don’t jump the garden fence and eat the roses, if nobody sprains an ankle and needs me to give them rides around town — if all goes well, I am right now deeply immersed in a big project: creating a book out of the columns I wrote for the Oakland Tribune when my kids were young.<\/p>\n

It so happens that I have published a few of those old columns on this website over the years. So I’m offering them now as re-runs to keep you entertained while I’m holed up with my laptop and mugs and mugs of decaf.<\/p>\n

The challenge of the book I’m planning is — the columns were written way back in the twentieth century.<\/p>\n

So I’m wondering, are they still relevant? Do they resonate with people who are parents now — and were kids when these essays were first published?<\/p>\n

Too, will they ring a bell with people of my own generation, mothers and fathers who, like Jon and me, once wondered how to raise kids who don’t cheat?<\/p>\n

Will Our Kids Grow Up to Be Cheaters Like Lance Armstrong?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

By Barbara Falconer Newhall, The Oakland Tribune, March 24, 1991<\/em><\/p>\n

Jon was disturbed by what he saw. It was just a handful of kids playing touch football at the park, but Jon was bothered. The kids were cheating.<\/p>\n

Jon studied the children \u2013 three or four school-age boys and a dad \u2013 for some time. \u201cI was shocked,\u201d he reported later. \u201cThose kids cheated. They lied. They went out of bounds and said they didn\u2019t. They argued every call. They pretended they didn\u2019t know the rules. They did anything just to score a touchdown.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s just a stage, I suggested. Maybe all school-age kids lie and cheat and play dumb. Maybe lying is developmentally appropriate in a 9-year-old.<\/p>\n

Jon didn\u2019t think so. But Jon puts an unusually high premium on honesty. In the early years of our courtship and marriage, I used to wonder what it was that attracted me to him so.<\/p>\n

\"kids<\/a>
I was thinking about kids who cheat and those who don’t when Peter was playing with the rec department “Reds” team. Photo 1991 by Barbara\u00a0 Newhall<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

He was handsome, witty and smart \u2013 all the things a single woman thinks she wants in a man. But there were plenty of other men around who were all those things. There was something else about Jon that I liked, something I couldn\u2019t quite name. It was years before I realized the obvious. He was honest.<\/p>\n

For me, Jon\u2019s honesty was not so much a virtue as it was terra firma. It enabled me to trust him. After the do-your-own-thing uncertainty of the \u201960s and early \u201970s, it was nice to be able to trust again.<\/p>\n

An Environment That Encourages Cheating<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Now, Jon and I have children and we wonder, how are we to foster honestly in a social environment that presses friends to cheat on friends?<\/p>\n

There is a place in Marina del Rey called the Joseph and Edna\u00a0Josephson Institute of Ethics<\/a> whose goal it is \u201cto improve the ethical quality of society.\u201d A heady mission in these cynical times, but the Josephson Institute slogs away, with pamphlets, studies and workshops.<\/p>\n

One of its most recent studies, \u201cThe Ethics of American Youth: A Warning and a Call to Action,\u201d is all about the twenty-something generation\u2014American young people between 18 and 30.<\/p>\n

The report states that an unprecedented proportion of the twenty-something generation consistently chooses personal gratification, materialism and winning over honesty, respect for others, personal responsibility and civic duty.<\/p>\n

Cheating is rampant amount the young, declares the report \u2013 as high as 50 percent at most colleges. So is sexual irresponsibility, date rape and voter indifference.<\/p>\n

Not a very pretty picture. One has to wonder, will the coming generation \u2013 our children\u2019s generation \u2013 follow this same downward ethical spiral? What is a parent to do?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s tough when you own a TV and folks like Pete Rose, Gary Hart, Ollie North, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim and Tammy Bakker and Leona Helmsley invite themselves into your living room on a regular basis. [For denizens of the twenty-first century for whom those infamous names don\u2019t ring a bell \u2013 think Lance Armstrong, Bernie Madoff, John Edwards, Donald Trump and Sam Bankman-Fried.]<\/p>\n

It\u2019s tough when you buy your kid a pack of baseball cards, he opens it to find a Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie card, and the salesman at the card shop declares, \u201cWow, Ken Griffey Jr. He\u2019s worth $10 and going up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kids Who Cheat. And Those Who Don’t<\/strong><\/h5>\n

But there are also moments of hope. A few weeks ago, Peter\u2019s fourth-grade teacher asked her students to keep track of the outdoor temperature for four days in a row.<\/p>\n

On Saturday, Peter forgot to tell me he needed an outdoor thermometer. On Sunday, he remembered to tell me \u2013 but not until after the hardware store had closed. On Monday, we bought a thermometer, which promptly broke.<\/p>\n

Peter was discouraged. \u201cMaybe I should just call a friend and he could give me his readings,\u201d he sighed.<\/p>\n

Tuesday after school, we bought a second thermometer and Peter took his first \u2013 and only\u2014reading.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about calling a friend,\u201d I suggested. \u201cThen you would have all four readings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said Peter. \u201cThat would be using someone else\u2019s work. I\u2019ll just turn this in and take a chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure you can\u2019t call someone?\u201d<\/p>\n

But Peter had made up his mind. \u201cNo, Mom. I\u2019m just going to turn it in like it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

A Moral Thicket<\/strong><\/h5>\n

It would be nice to end this column here, with my son looking like some kind of moral genius. The truth is, Peter had had some help in finding his way through this particular moral thicket. This same issue \u2013 copying homework \u2013 had been brought up at school recently during a parent-led drug education course.<\/p>\n

The question was put to the children \u2013 what would you do if someone asked to copy your homework? The question has no easy answer, it was pointed out. If you say yes, you are guilty of cheating. If you say no, you risk losing a friend.<\/p>\n

To his credit, Peter made the right choice. He said no \u2013 to his mom, of all people. A few days later, the thermometer assignment came back with a bad grade on it.<\/p>\n

With that, my son learned the first lesson of honesty. It can cost you.<\/p>\n

Reprinted by permission of The Oakland Tribune<\/em><\/p>\n

Read about Peter when he was “My Manners-Challenged Kid<\/a>.”\u00a0 Also, when he was old enough to propose marriage at “I’m the Mother of the Groom, Now What Do I Do?”<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"Peter<\/a><\/p>\n

Kids who cheat and those who don’t: My husband was disturbed by what he saw — some kids playing touch football at the park, cheating.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":48767,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,52],"tags":[2851,34,29,393,81,82,1152,56],"class_list":["post-41397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-my-changing-family","category-the-writing-room","tag-cheating","tag-dont-miss","tag-jon","tag-kids","tag-oakland-tribune","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-parenting","tag-peter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41397"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48768,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41397\/revisions\/48768"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/48767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}