{"id":43133,"date":"2024-12-14T00:08:03","date_gmt":"2024-12-14T08:08:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=43133"},"modified":"2026-06-05T09:26:38","modified_gmt":"2026-06-05T09:26:38","slug":"my-mothers-last-hours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/my-mothers-last-hours\/","title":{"rendered":"The Darkening Days — And My Mother’s Last Hours"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"my<\/a>
My mother’s last hours: I took this photo of my mother, Tinka Falconer, one summer on Lake Michigan. I’d rather show her looking like herself, rather than how she looked during her last days and hours. Photo by Barbara Newhal<\/em>l<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
My Mother’s Last Hours<\/strong><\/h5>\n

My mother died in 2010, on a short wintry day in December. The winter solstice was approaching, and I recall driving many dark miles through the rain to pay her a visit on the night before she died.<\/p>\n

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Christmas shopping had been on my mind that day, distracting me from what I knew, but didn’t want to know, was happening to my mother.<\/p>\n

My mother’s last words to me that night were nothing much. No parting words of love. No heartfelt messages to the grandchildren.<\/p>\n

She lay in her bed in her room in a senior residence, her head propped up on pillows, eating a little soup with the help of a caregiving staffer. When the caregiver left the room, my mother turned her head on her pillows and said to me, \u201cGet me some water, would you, Barb?\u201d<\/p>\n

No please. No thank you. Just a matter-of-fact, \u201cGet me some water, would you, Barb?\u201d<\/p>\n

In the years since my mother\u2019s death, I\u2019ve often felt short-changed by our last moments together. I’ve felt sadness — and regret — that our last days and hours together weren’t more meaningful and profound for her, and for me.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
Her Last Breath<\/strong><\/h5>\n

The next day, I was in the hospital with my mother as she took her last breath. She was too weak to speak now, so her unadorned, \u201cGet me some water, would you, Barb?\u201d of the night before would be the last words I\u2019d hear from her.<\/p>\n

And now all these years later, as the winter solstice approaches again, on December 21 this year, I\u2019m thinking about my mother’s last hours and the request she made of me. And I find that I am satisfied with those words, with their familiarity, with the fact that no \u201cplease\u201d was offered or expected.<\/p>\n

Tucked away in my mother’s simple request was the message: \u201cYou\u2019re my daughter and I\u2019m your mother and that\u2019s that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read about an early shopping trip with my mother at \u201cMy Mother\u2019s Magical Babushka.\u201d<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"my<\/a><\/p>\n

In the years since my mother\u2019s death, I\u2019ve often felt regret that my mother’s last hours with me weren’t more meaningful for her, and for me.\u00a0 Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":43155,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,226],"tags":[103,753,187,34,2932,510],"class_list":["post-43133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-case-of-the-human-condition","category-older-and-older","tag-aging","tag-assisted-living","tag-death","tag-dont-miss","tag-last-words","tag-tinka"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48638,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43133\/revisions\/48638"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}