{"id":45163,"date":"2025-05-17T00:01:07","date_gmt":"2025-05-17T07:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/barbarafalconernewhall.com\/?p=45163"},"modified":"2026-06-05T08:34:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-05T08:34:22","slug":"i-was-a-young-single-woman-for-way-too-long-why","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/i-was-a-young-single-woman-for-way-too-long-why\/","title":{"rendered":"I Was Young and Single for Way Too Long — Why?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"I-was-young-and-single-for-way-too-long-why?<\/a>
I was young and single for way too long — why? Could a book I spotted at an airport bookstore finally give me some answers?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What makes a guy fall for a girl on the first date — or not?<\/p>\n

Rachel Greenwald wanted to know. So she asked 1000 men what made them decide to call a woman back after the first date — or not call at all.<\/p>\n

A professional dating coach, Greenwald was puzzled by the large numbers of attractive women among her clientele who weren\u2019t getting called back after the first date.<\/p>\n

She Talked to Some men– And Asked Them Why<\/h5>\n

To find out why, she located some actual men,\u00a0 hundreds of them, and she talked<\/em>\u00a0to\u00a0them. She asked\u00a0each\u00a0one why he hadn\u2019t called\u00a0various women back after\u00a0the first date. Greenwald\u00a0then analyzed their responses and compiled the rejectees into categories.<\/p>\n

The result is “Have Him at Hello:\u00a0Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back.”<\/p>\n

When I first spotted the book in an airport bookstore back in 2009, it had a brilliant fuchsia cover and the blunt title: Why He Didn\u2019t Call You Back.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

By then I was thoroughly married. But I couldn’t help thinking — this book is just what I needed back in the ’60s and ’70s when I was young and single and hopeful in New York City and San Francisco . . . when I was doing a lot of dating and a lot of wondering why so many guys would take me out once or twice \u2014 then disappear without explanation. Gone. Evaporated. Poof.<\/p>\n

I Was Young and Single for Way Too Long — Why?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

All those years later, the mysterious rejections still rankled. Why hadn\u2019t those guys (and there were dozens of them) ever called me back? I was a young, single woman for way too long — why?<\/p>\n

Standing there in that airport bookstore, I still wanted to know.<\/p>\n

Which is why when I spotted the title, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back,” I picked the book up and started to read.<\/p>\n

Soon, it was time to catch my flight back to the Bay Area, but\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t stop reading, so I plunked down $24 and took Greenwald’s book with me to the gate.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t buying this book for my own improvement, I told myself. I was buying it for my daughter, who was single and would be turning 26 soon.<\/p>\n

Once aloft and still wondering why all those guys had never called me back, I cracked open Greenwald\u2019s book, studied her categories and took her little quizzes. Which kind of loser had I been, really, as a young something all those years ago?<\/p>\n

Greenwald outlined more than a dozen possibilities, some of which maybe applied to me:<\/p>\n

\u2022The Blahs<\/strong>. A major turn-off, Greenwald states, is the Blah woman, the one who doesn\u2019t say or do much on the date. Definitely not my problem, I was pretty sure. I was a big talker as a young woman, a sharp dresser, a good dancer, and a flirt.<\/p>\n

\u2022The Psychobabbler<\/strong>. Another big turn-off, according to Greenwald. But no, that wouldn\u2019t be me either.<\/p>\n

\u2022The Wino?<\/strong>\u00a0No. Not that\u00a0I remember anyway.<\/p>\n

\"I-was-young-and-single-for-way-too-long-why?<\/a>
Too much wine? Sometimes, like in 1963, with a date who shall remain nameless. Barbara Newhall photo<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2022The Ex Factor<\/strong>. This is the woman who talks too much about her ex. I never got far enough to have an ex.<\/p>\n

\u2022The Boss Lady<\/strong>. The career woman who takes charge, one-ups her date in conversation, expresses opinions with finality, and generally acts like this is a competitive job interview rather than dinner with a new and interesting friend. Hmmm. Could that<\/em> be why I was young and single for way too long?<\/p>\n

Dicing Up Women<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Dicing women up into types objectifies them, of course. But the idea that a woman, nervous on a first\u00a0date,\u00a0can unwittingly fall back onto stereotypical behavior is a useful one. And Greenwald has lots of suggestions for tweaking one\u2019s\u00a0conduct to avoid giving misleading first impressions.<\/p>\n

The woman who is a jock, for example,\u00a0can\u00a0bring out\u00a0her feminine side\u00a0by wearing\u00a0a skirt or jewelry. The talker might do some heavy listening. And the woman who\u2019s sure she wants to marry a Jew or a Catholic or a virgin or a\u00a0New Englander\u00a0would do well to keep a lid on her opinions long enough to find out whether that\u00a0divorced Unitarian from Kansas City might actually be Mr. Right.<\/p>\n

What Does a Man Really Want? Kindness!<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Greenwald\u2019s best advice, however, had nothing to do with types, and it came as a surprise to me. The quality most appreciated by the men Greenwald interviewed was simple human kindness. Men notice and appreciate a woman who shows consideration\u00a0\u00a0for the waiter, the ticket taker, her date.<\/p>\n

Some women\u00a0have found Greenwald\u2019s book irksome. That is, they have found the men\u00a0in\u00a0her book irksome. They read the men\u2019s criticisms of\u00a0their first dates\u00a0as further evidence that\u00a0guys are basically arrogant bastards and not to be trusted.<\/p>\n

Which makes me wonder\u00a0whether a lot of single women (my young self included) aren\u2019t too inclined to find fault with the male of the species and behave accordingly \u2014 all too ready to fire the first shot.<\/p>\n

I read this book to\u00a0its end, wishing\u00a0somebody had given it to me when I was young and fearful.<\/p>\n

My twenty-something daughter got it for her birthday.<\/p>\n

This article is one of my favorites from the archive. I came across Greenwald’s book<\/a> and wrote about it way back in 2009. I don’t know whether Christina read the book or took its advice, but she did find her man a lot more efficiently than I found mine. She married him in 2017.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"I-was-young-and-single-for-way-too-long-why?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"I-was-young-and-single-for-way-too-long-why?<\/a><\/p>\n

I was young and single for way too long. Why? Could a book I spotted at an airport bookstore finally give me some answers? \u00a0Read more.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":48536,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[146,2752,34,148,689,82,1951,2993],"class_list":["post-45163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-case-of-the-human-condition","tag-christina","tag-dating","tag-dont-miss","tag-feminism","tag-marriage","tag-on-the-funny-side","tag-rejection","tag-single"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45163"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45163\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48541,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45163\/revisions\/48541"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/48536"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/server.stagingweb3.net\/barbarafalconernewhall\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}