Earlier this week I came across a photo of Jon as he sat in an airport reading a newspaper, waiting for a plane.
The photo was so lifelike, so like Jon, that I burst into tears when I spotted it. There was Jon, right in front of me, in all his ineffable Jon Newhall-ness.
It was a sad moment, but sweet. Sweet because, for a sliver of time I had Jon with me again.
There he was — Jon being Jon: reading a newspaper, rolling his upper lip over his lower lip, deep in thought.
My husband was dressed, as usual, in khaki Dockers, which I’d probably bought for him at Macy’s. I’d go there every December, just before Christmas, to lift and move and tug at piles and piles of Dockers in hopes of finding some khakis, no pleats, in Jon’s quirky, hard-to-find size, 32×30.
Photos That Bring My Husband Back to Life
Over the years, I took numerous candid shots of Jon like that one at the airport.
Numerous because Jon was always so handily there and unperturbed by my camera. And candid because of what I learned from the news photographers I’d worked with as a journalist: Keep posed photos to a minimum. Get shots of people doing what they naturally do.
During my early years with Jon — before children — I had time to make pen and ink sketches of my husband. I actually have one, made during our first, besotted year of marriage, of Jon flossing his teeth.
Looking at the Camera
The same day I came across the 2011 photo of Jon at the airport, I found another of him in London, looking straight into the camera, the Eye Ferris wheel artfully posed behind him.
That Eye shot brings back nice memories of our trip to London. But it doesn’t bring back Jon.
The same goes for a professional photo taken of the two of us at our daughter’s wedding.
Neither of those photos of Jon is a photo of Jon. They are photos of the face that Jon would put on for the camera. A nice face. A friendly face. And, let’s be clear, a handsome face.
But that face is not really Jon. It cannot resurrect him for me — unlike the face I caught reading a newspaper in an airport in 2011.
Read about what I saw when I encountered my deceased husband in a photo a year ago at, “I Said Hello to My Deceased Husband — Finally.” And for the story behind family portrait-making at our house, go to “The Truth Behind That Happy Family Photo We Just Sent You.”
0 Responses
I am envious of your apparently lovely marriage to a man you still love. Congratulations . . . And, my goodness Barbara – you are beautiful. I always think that when I see you and then am always reminded how pretty you are when I see a picture. Hugs, eb
Pretty? Wow. Thank you!
Those pictures bring him back for me too! Even the non candid ones really feel 100% like him :).
Lots more photos where those came from. Soon I’ll have 44 years worth of photos scanned and digitized . . . Meanwhile, don’t forget to take pictures of the adults in your house, including yourself. Kids are cute and photogenic, but adults are pretty darned interesting too.
you make jon feel so alive, the way he always was to me. but although the still photos capture him well, i long for video of him in animated conversation. i see and hear that in memory, and long for more.
and listen to ellen. you are pretty, absolutely, inside and out.
A video! What a thought! I don’t think I have many videos of Jon. I’ll take a look. It would be nice to hear his voice. Meanwhile, check out the Sept.28,2024, post. You are mentioned very, very indirectly!