Some mornings I wake up with a sinking feeling in my stomach — it’s going to be another terrible day without Jon. My husband has died, and there’s not a darned thing I can do about it.

Other mornings I wake up hopeful. I remember that I have something to look forward to. Something with a future.

Feet on the Floor

I put my feet on the floor and look out the window — a beautiful thing is happening in my backyard. My lovely old bricks are being brought back to life.

Video by Peter Rivera

Peter the contractor and his hard-working crew have made short work of demolishing the crumbling, 60-year-old brick staircase in our back yard. And for the past few weeks they’ve been putting it back together — way nicer than it ever was.

Peter and I talk about things. The bricks — how shall we lay them out? The pile of moss rocks — shall we use the small ones to border the staircase? Or the big ones?

The Widow Laughs

We ponder the rocks, we change our mind, we change our mind again — together. We laugh at ourselves changing that mind of ours.

Down in the backyard, standing in the dust, I wonder: I’m a brand-new widow. How is it possible that I am laughing?

I don’t know the answer. I go ahead and laugh.

Read about  “Our Living Room Makeover — We Made Do With Our Old Stuff.”